We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize