i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
