In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
