I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
