I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
