Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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