He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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