there's paper in my vomit.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
