Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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