Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
