Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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