One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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