Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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