I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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