Just fell off a train. Bad.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
