Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
