I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
