In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont lie about slip and slides
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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