Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
