Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
