to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
