you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
