Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
