community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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