hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
