i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I just sharted jello shots
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
