Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
