Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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