i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
