I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
