I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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