Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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