did you get engaged???
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
