Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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