Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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