I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
