I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
