You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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