Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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