Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
