please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
