Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
