make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
In America we eat man semen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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