Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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