we're chasing vodka with high fives
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
