at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
