I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
