last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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