1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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