What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
