he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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