Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
