I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
