you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
