I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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