We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
