she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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