You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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