Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
