You're so nebulous sometimes
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize