The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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