If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
