I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
