im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
