You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
