I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
