The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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