If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Who died my cat blue again?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
