i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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