mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
