He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
