Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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