MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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