1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
