sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
